Expectations

Expecting your loved ones to buy you something that you really want as a gift.

Expecting your friends knowing whats on your mind or know your feelings on any given moments

Expecting to get promoted.

Expecting to be on time.

Expecting your trip would be as smooth as you planned it to be.

Expecting your day to be perfect.

Expecting....................this..that..so on..

How many times have you ever feel dissapointed, angry, sad or any other feelings which you find hard to describe for not being able to meet your or someone else expectations?

Expectations is what is considered the most likely to happen. Is what we belief that is centered on the future, which may or may not be realistic. If something happens unexpectedly, is considered as surprises. While expectation is about the behavior or performance of another person or ourselves.

Having different custom, religions,  & education background somehow determine our level of expectations towards a person or an event.

The higher the expectation we have, the more likely for us to be happy IF the outcomes meets our expectations and be dissapointed IF the result does not met our expectations.

What we have to realize is,

Nobody is perfect.

Life isn't fair.

Nobody knows what's on your mind, no one can read your mind.

Nobody know how do you feel, no one can sense your feeling.

Nobody know what do you expect them to do.

Nobody know how you expect them to behave.

And for that, 

We have to learn on how to accept things or someone as they are.

Learn to accept their differences. 

Learn to tolerate on the differences. 

Let them know what is on your mind if you want them to know what is on your mind.

Let them know how do you feel so they know what to and not to do. 

Tell them what offends you so they would apologize.

***Expecting your loved ones to buy you something that you really want as a gift
  : Tell him/her in advanced what you would prefer him/her to give you so him/her could avoid wasting their effort & money on something you doesn't like. Avoid waste & of course avoid him/her to be offended by your reactions. By telling him/her it indicates that you are comfortable to talk freely with your partner. One of the key success in a relationship is being able to communicate comfortably with each other :) communicates for better understanding.

***Expecting your friends knowing whats on your mind or know your feelings on any given moments
  : Tell them what do you feel so they know what is appropriate and what not. Real friends would understand & lend their ear if you want to share with them, or just be there quietly so you know they respect you & be there for you.

***Expecting to get promoted
  : Instead of keep expecting to get noticed & promoted, why not start put all your effort & give your best in whatever you do without expecting anything in returned. If you are a good employee, they would notice you. If they not, maybe its not your time yet. It would be great if you could talk to your superior & let him/her know you would love to get promoted so they would start to evaluates you whether the promotions suits you or not. If you didn't get it now, maybe u'll get it next. Who knows!
  
***Expecting to be on time
  :Why be on time when you can get there earlier even by couples of minutes?  "Early bird catches the worm" :)

***Expecting your trip would be as smooth as you planned it to be & *Expecting your day to be perfect
  : Always expect the unexpected :) instead of rigidly stick to your plan A, why not planned for the alternative in case the A doesn't work out, still have plan B, C or even D. It helps to reduce your stress especially during holiday trip :)

Learn to lessen our expectation is another tips to live a happy life. Put our best effort in everything we do now and then & let it be. Unattached ourself to anything. Be comfortable with anything that may come. Not being attached to anything would makes us  able to breath freely and makes us appreciate what we have more. 

Live happy!

:)

Develop!

Dear past..present..and future me..

START OVER THEN!

1. Let go of the past. Throw all your "garbage" awaaaay!

You've learned your lesson in the past. In order to start fresh, you should let go everything which happened in the pasts. Your ex's either the first or the the recent one. Whether it's the one that you loved so much or hate so much. Doesn't matter anymore wouldn't they? It's over. When I say: "throw all your garbage away" it means, you have to stop thinking, or talk about the pasts. Whether it's a good thing or bad thing, keep it to yourself. Don't bragging about it. To be specific, STOP CARRYING YOUR PAST! It's difficult for you to keep moving forward when you keep dragging all the rubbish with you. You have to learn how to let go.

As for me, I accept the fact that the previous one is over. And I believe that, it's time for me to move on with my own life doing my own thing. I know it's not as easy as it sounds. But, it worth a try. I made myself clear to them that I would appreciate not the contacted by all means. I wish them well & tell them to move on as well. I would clear up everything that I could find, the pictures, emails, text messages, & etc, so I won't find myself digging or bump into any of these rubbish. Avoid any possible contacts either emails, calls, messages, chats by black listing them would be great.

Why? why would you want throwing away all the so-called memories?

I know it sounds mean. But, trust me. It's for your own good. I gave my best & it doesn't work even I've tried to make it work. So, I've no regrets. Yup. There is something good in the pasts, and well of course there is also something bad. However, it's time to give someone else the chance. It would be better if you could manage to let the pasts, stayed in the pasts & make room for the present one. Make new fresh memories. By throwing all your garbage away, you'll be amazed how you can manage to focus on the present one. You'll be happier of course.

2. Improve yourself.

By the end of your relationship, take your time to analyze and you'll know what have gone wrong and  from there, you'll know which area to be improve & develop. Maybe in the past you've being: a control freak, wished to change to partner the way you want them to be, jealous for no reason, expect everything to be perfect, too depending, & sort of other stuff.

I've learned that: I should not attempted to change people. Because I've realize, to change people who doesn't want to change is a waste of time & energy. What I could do is to change my perspective and try to accept them as I could try to or change my place which in my situation, finally, I've decided to end the relationship and move on. I've learned that nothing is perfect. I should lessen my expectation towards someone, or anything. And I've learned not to be defensive & be open for a change. Which I believe is good for me.

And of course, I'll give my best every now & then. Maybe it takes the right person to see it.

3. Know your part & responsibility.

In every relationship, it takes both sides to make it work. Give & take instead of keep giving or keep taking. Toleration & compromise in almost everything to keep the balance. Both sides have their own part & responsibility in the relationship.  Play your part well, give your best shot everytime in everything, so you'll have nothing to regret even if it doesn't work out. As I've mentioned: "Maybe it takes the right person to see it".

4. Let's the learning process begin!

Being with a new partner means you would have to start learning again. Try to get to know each other not just by asking, observing would be a good thing to do. Take your own sweet time. Enjoy the process. Make it fun. Make it exciting. Who know you've found the right one!

By practicing all of these, I realize that:
*I learned to forgive & forget.
*I learned to let go.
*I manage to let the past stayed in past.
*I make up rooms for the present & future.
*I enjoy get to know my partner.
*I'm amazed that I manage to clear up all the rubbish.
*By clearing up all the rubbish, I didn't compare my partner with the previous one even on the hard time. Well, is not a good thing to compare your current loved ones with your pasts. If you think the past is the great one or the best one, ask yourself: "Why am I here then?". My advise would be: "MOVE ON!!!" YOU'RE NOT IN THE PAST! ACCEPT THE FACT & AGAIN, MOVE ON!!!"

Thoughts....

You are upset with all things which happened not as the way you expect it to be. But, if you do notice, it's not so much people who make you angry as your thoughts about them. Take a step back and view the situation from different perspective.

It'd just a thoughts in your head. It's the thoughts that cause you the pain. Whatever it is, it's just a thoughts.

What best about it: YOU CAN CHANGE A THOUGHT!

Every "disaster" in your life is not so much a disaster as it might be. It's a situation waiting for you to change your mind about it. Then u'll figure out what to do about it & move on.

You'll find peace at mind by stop labeling everything that happens as "good thing" or "bad thing". Why not: "It happened. Well, if it doesn't happened, I would not be able to learned how to adapt it. It's a great experience though."

:) happy sunday

Moving forward

Your relationship ends (either you the one who decide to call it off or vice versa). You were: Miserable. Sad. Angry or mix of these or any other negative feelings.

You decided to:
1. Stay in your bed for months!
2. Not to eat or drink anything.
3. Quit your job.
4. Quit doing anything you enjoyed.
5. Hurting yourself.

In other words: "you are torturing yourself".

Why? What for? 

Let's say,

A, just ended her 8 years relationship and say: "My life is over. No one would want me."

A decide to stay in bed for months!

While B, who just ended her 10 years relationship and say: "My life just started! It's a great opportunity for me to meet new people. Make friends & who knows i would get the chance to be with someone who deserves me!". B focus on improving herself.

Guess who would be happier?

What should you realize is: LIFE GOES ON. 

Even if you decided not to do anything. The clock is ticking out of time. By doing nothing, it means you change nothing. 

You should be moving forward. 

In order to move forward, you would have to:

1. Accept where you are. Presently. Accept what had happened (you broke up). Instead of asking "why does it happen to me?", why not ask: "What should i do about it?". Whether you realize or not, you still breathing. You have enough food to eat. Enough drink. You have what you need is it?

So, get your head straight & focus on your life.

2. Surround yourself with positive people. Could be your good friend or family. Talk to them. Don't just talk about the break up. There are plenty things to be talk about. Divert your thoughts.  Or you could get yourself a piece of paper & write down what you feel like writing. Once you done, throw it away. 

3. Motivate yourself by view what had happened from a different perspective. Convert all the negative thoughts into a positive one. Things happens for a reason. It's how you view it would determine what is the reason.

4. Focus back to your life. Focus on what you should do with your life. Still, the choices is yours either to be miserable or be happy. You cannot change what happened. You cannot change other people. You cannot change the world. But what you can is to change yourself to be a better person.

You attract what you are. Either positive or negative. 

Decision :)

Tomorrow..

Do what you can do today. And let tomorrow take care of itself.

Breaking up..could it be a good thing?

Breaking up....can it be the best thing you ever did?

Sometimes it could be a good thing to end a relationship.  Even if people surrounds you suggest the way round just because they think you & your partner "meant to be together" or "look good together" or whatever phrase that means "you should stay put & suffer being with your partner because we love to see you both together even if you are not happy".  Surprisingly, to please them, you stay suffer & unhappy.

But wait, you are the one who have to put up with all the crap wasn't it? Headache. Miserable. Suffer. Sad. Unappreciated. 

Relationship is about you & your partner. Not about people surrounds you. Whatever decision you make, it yours. Because whatever it is, it's your life. 

It is you the one in the relationship with your partner. Its you the one who have to face the both sides of your partner which is the good & the bad. Which the other people, who are not in the relationship (of course they weren't) didn't get the chance to know your partner the way you do. Simply put, they don't know who is your partner really is. 

Why would you let yourself suffer? The most important is, why would you waste your precious time?

Life is a journey. Let's say a relationship is like wearing a pair of shoe (the shoe represent your partner). People surrounds you may love the shoe. It may be a shoe which they think fits you the best. However, you get a blisters on your foot by wearing the shoe. Continuously wearing the same shoe  would get the blisters on your foot getting worst & worst. 

Now, 

The question is: Would you continue wearing the same shoe?

Options: Keep wearing the shoe for your entire journey and suffer as the blisters on your foot gets worst OR you can get a new shoe which much more comfortable & supporting for your entire journey.

Still, it's up to you. As mentioned earlier, it is your life. It's your call.

There are plenty people out there would be looking for someone like you to be with. There's always a chance for you to meet new people & start a new relationship. No rush of course. 

Some relationships, instead of considered as the worst, horrible or terrible should be viewed as a stepping stone. Yes. A stepping stone.  A stepping stone for you to develop & improve. It's a learning experience. As to change yourself to be a better person.

Everything happened for a reason. Its up to you to view it from which perspective, figure out what the reason is and accept the facts: It happens. And, MOVE ON.

:)

Am I the right one?

"How do I know if I am the right one?"

"Am I the right one for you?"

"How do I know if I'm with the right person?"

Sometimes in relationship, there's a moment when we asked either ourself or our partner these questions. 

In relationship, it's start with FALLING IN LOVE where we tend have these "love butterflies" in our stomach, our heart beats faster, our alertness towards our phones increase tremendously, smiles on our face all day long by just thinking about "that special person", and so on. Well, it wasn't hard to fall in love.  It is a natural & spontaneous experience. We were practically doing nothing and it happens. Magically, everything in life seems wonderful & pleasant.

"Feels like i'm flying"

"My heart skipped a beat"

"He/She took my breath away"

Familiar is it?

However, after a few months together or years of being together, all of these amazing feelings starts to fade away. Little by little. Bit by bit. We start to get annoyed by each day. Fells uncomfortable to sit on the same couch which once used to be "OUR favorite couch". We tend to get angry by simple mistake our partner did. Everything seems dull. And here's the point where we start to ask "Am I the right one?" which means that our relationship starts to breakdown. We tend to blame our partners for what happen, some would look outside for fulfillment, having affairs, turn to spend our time on work, hobby, or some would develop an abusive and aggressive behavior towards their partners. 

Some decide to be apart. While, some would try to hold on.

Yet, we still have both our heads in the cloud. Wondering what could possibly gone wrong without trying to figure out what is the actual problem is & not trying to fix it. What we should do is, STOP. Stop for a while. Take a deep breath. 

In relationship, to make it success, we must put our energy, time, effort & most important is to learn to accept & love our special ones. 

To make it lasts, let's practice:

*Let go of the past*

*Learn to accept our partner's uniqueness*

*Appreciate one another*

*Respect each other*

*Learn to tolerate*

*Ready to compromise in almost anything*

*Be open to our partner thoughts, comments & critics*

*Willing to improve ourself*

*Give our best*

*Expect nothing in return*